162 Responses to “Creative Writer = Winner of Home Theater Equipment!”

1. M. Mach says:

   November 17, 2009 at 11:03 am

   His wife Lianne said he must choose: her or the new widescreen HD TV. Or that’s what Ben thought she said. He couldn’t hear her too well because the commercials started at the same time his wife’s jaw starting flapping. Why did they have to keep changing the volume? Loud, soft. Loud, louder, soft. Ben fumbled with the remote control, muting the volume just in time to hear the front door slam.

   That was Tuesday. By Friday, Ben had created a permanent dent in the sofa. He perfected his fake cough, convincing his boss over the phone that he was contagious. No, he wasn’t sure when he’d be back in. Maybe next week? Assuming that the Steers made it into the playoffs, he’d be out a bit longer. He didn’t say that last part to his boss. Ben wasn’t stupid. He just had different priorities. Like snacks.

   Ben moved the side table so that the nachos and beer were within arm’s reach. The snacks were perfect, but the TV volume was still not. He muted it, but then found it hard to unmute again when his hands were full of stringy melted cheese and a frosted beer stein as thick as his neck. He almost missed the Hail Mary pass in the fourth quarter because he hit the menu button instead of unmuting the volume.

   Ben tried only muting the TV for the really annoying commercials like the loud ones for Alfred’s Auto. Aflred always had some gimmick. This week he was doing a love theme. On Wednesday, there was a commercial of him tucking a long-stemmed rose under a windshield wiper of a used Jeep (only $5,600, no money down). On Thursday, he parked a mid-size sedan (clean, low mileage) in front of a fancy French place. Today Alfred had a little velvet box. He was kneeling on the pavement in front of the dealer’s sign (open late every nite). He beckoned to someone off camera.

   A familiar woman blushed and giggled as Albert pulled her on screen.

   Ben dropped his nachos and beer as he fumbled for the remote. He accidentally changed the channel. He changed it back. Then he unmuted the sound and tried to quickly increase the volume. He dropped the controller just as Alfred bellowed, “It’s my pleasure to introduce my fiancée, Lianne!”
2. Sand says:

   November 17, 2009 at 11:18 am

   We were recently watching Taken where the dialog was relatively low so I kept turning up the volume to hear what the characters were saying. I left the volume turned up during the rest of the movie and our cat came out and sat quietly next to the television and fell asleep. All the sudden towards the end of the movie there was a lot of shooting and the movie went from rather quiet to extra loud. The cat started freaking out and ran out of the room.
3. Chris says:

   November 17, 2009 at 12:01 pm

   My wife and I have a 19 month old daughter. Our place is relatively small and so at night we always have to keep the TV volume very low. However, sometimes we need to turn up the volume because the show gets very quiet. One night a few months ago (and has often happen a few times since), we change the channel and BOOM!!! “GET THE BEST EVER VACUUM FOR 3 EASY PAYMENTS OF $24.99″ It was like a guy came into our house and started screaming at us to buy his product. Unfortunately, at that time I am not as quick to respond to turn the volume down and guess who comes out of their bedroom crying because they woke up to the loud advertisement of “THE BEST VACUUM EVER!” Poor Isabella. We do our best not to wake her, which sometimes includes putting the TV on Mute and reading the dialogue!!!
4. Kirby says:

   November 17, 2009 at 12:36 pm

   I was asleep in bed one night when something outside my door woke me up. I heard voices quietly whispering. It sounded like something broke. I saw lights under my door that looked like flashlights. I knew that we were getting robbed. I was so scared. I looked around the room and grabbed my cell phone. I had dialed 911, and they were on their way. The people were speaking so softly and I kept hearing things turning over. The police arrived shortly. They busted into the house to find that the “intruder” was my father. He could not sleep, and he was watching television. The voices that I had heard was the television. It was a movie about a robbery. Everything I was closely listening to was what they were saying. The lights under my door were not flashlights, they were the lights from the television. To this day, my family still teases me about that night!
5. Shannon McCann says:

   November 17, 2009 at 6:57 pm

   My rowing team and I had just gotten to Philadelphia where we would be racing the following day. When the three girls that I was rooming with and I got to the hotel room, we were a little wiped but we were in fact four teenage girls, and we all know there is no stopping us from talking through all hours of the night. We tried to keep our laughs and talking to a quiet level, being that our coach had just given the team a long lecture about how he didn’t want to get “that call” in the middle of the night from the hotel manager saying that we were too loud.
   When we were all finally settled down, and were tucked into bed, one of the girls called out “Can you imagine if you woke up in the middle of the night and someone was just standing at the foot of your bed?”
   With that, we were all screaming and running to turn on every light in the hotel room. Fifteen minutes later, after checking the locks on every window, door, and closet, and seeing to make sure that every shadow we saw was, in reality, a shadow, we went back to sleep leaving only the TV on low so that we had some light.
   As we slowly drifted off to sleep thinking of nice, happy thoughts, an incredibly loud and piercing scream came out of no where. Terrified, we all shot up and jumped on each other screaming four times as loud as the mystery screamer. When the screaming continued, I turned around, to see that we had forgotten that the TV was on because the volume was set so low. Since volume fluctuations are so ridiculous though, the scary movie trailer happened to come on at a blaring volume as we tried to sleep.
   Our screams must have been pretty disturbing because ten minutes later, we heard a loud knock on the door (which we shrieked for as well, of course) and opened it to find our very aggravated coach. Despite our attempts to try and tell him that we weren’t horsing around, just trying to fall asleep and got scared, he didn’t want to believe, and was angry at us for the rest of the trip
   Thanks a lot, volume fluctuations.
6. tanya a says:

   November 17, 2009 at 7:33 pm

   Resting on the couch and falling into an light, enjoyable, and much needed nap while watching tv is a common occurance. Being jolted awake when an extra loud commercial comes on is also, unfortunately, a common occurance.
7. Dimitri Theofanis says:

   November 17, 2009 at 8:01 pm

   As we all know, volume fluctuations on the TV can be annoying, constant, and sometimes, destructive. They can come at unexpected times and make you regret ever pressing the power button on your remote control. An experience I had with these unwanted fluctuations in my television led to unfair consequences that could have been avoided. What happened was I was watching TV on my couch one day with my new Yorkshire terrier puppy. I was enjoying my afternoon watching one of my favorite movies while eating a plate full of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies with a big, cool glass of milk. The television was at a normal volume, not too loud and not too low. So, while I was watching the movie, a loud, obnoxious infomercial came on. Despite the somewhat initial screaming in the commercial to buy their product, the volume increased to an unpleasantly loud level. This caused my puppy to violently jump up, knock over my plate of warm cookies, and drop the big glass of milk on the floor. The glass cup shattered into millions of pieces, stained my parents’ favorite carpet, and got me grounded for two weeks. All of this could have been avoided if it weren’t for those volume fluctuations in my TV.
8. Tauja Merriweather says:

   November 17, 2009 at 8:30 pm

   one day my best friend called me and asked me did i want to go to home run inn with her. i told her yea beause i was hungry. i later found out we were goin out with her boyfriend and his friend that liked me. when he came to pick us up we got in the car, it was quiet so i put my ipod on. as soon as i started the music he put his music on. the music’s volume went up to 80 and he had at 75. i jumped so hard i almost went to the bathroom on myself. it was so funny yet startling.!!
9. Susi Walter says:

   November 17, 2009 at 8:48 pm

   Misdirected Anger

   My husband, John, is the controller of the remote. If he insists on possessing it, then it’s his job to turn down the volume every time a commercial comes on, and back up when the show comes back on. I am especially aggravated by the sound fluctuations if it’s my “special” time of the month, since my hearing is oversensitive. I sit comfortably in my pajamas, with my feet up, a heating pad on my abdomen, a soft blanket, and a pillow; waiting for the Motrin to kick-in. On the table next to me I have a cup of hot cocoa and some sweet and salty trail mix. My favorite show begins and I am ready to unwind.
   A startling noise drills into my eardrums like a dentist drills into decaying cavities. My entire body jerks spontaneously. John is not immediate in responding to the urgent situation. He’s so annoying!
   I am constantly asking him to turn it down, and then back up, because I can’t hear, and I miss what happened…UGHH! John has to rewind, and goes too far, back into the commercials…So frustrating!
   I have to yell over the piercing reverberation,
   “Volume, VOLume, VOLUME!”
   John fumbles and adjusts the sound. The next commercial BOMB drops. I notice John has adapted to the blaring change in decibels. Really? Doesn’t he notice? So I kick the footrest of his recliner. John looks a little disturbed, but realizes he didn’t do his job again. Now, he is getting annoyed with me. We bicker back and forth, and return to our regular programming. I roll my eyes and point up with my index finger. He knows all the signals. I tell him to give me the remote if he can’t handle it. John declines.
   A SONIC BOOM goes through me like a lightening strike! Every cell of my body is tense. Television is supposed to be relaxing. This is more like a turbulent plane ride through a thunder storm.
   John is asleep at the wheel, literally, gripping the precious remote in his hand. I grab a cashew nut, and toss it at John’s head. He comes out of his stupor, gives me a dirty look, and surrenders the remote to me…finally.
   As I sip my oversized cup of hot chocolate, the TV blasts like an air horn. John is shaken awake by the blare. He looks disgusted, peels off both of his sweaty socks, rolls them together, and tosses the dirty ball at my forehead and SPLAT, into my big cup!
   Stop the abuse…go to http://www.srslabs.com for help!
10. Sharon Rickert says:

    November 18, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I watch TV to go to sleep at night and there was a time of electronic fright. I would have drifted
    off to sleep and suddenly be woke by the sounds of machine guns in the bedroom. The peaceful show I fell to sleep by was followed by the FBI and for some reason, the sound was raised at the same time the shooting began and blew me out of bed. Fortunately, a schedule change caused softer sounds alter.
11. Earl Crabb says:

    November 27, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    The TV suddenly roars and the wife acknowledges my hearing deficit and tells me to turn it down…….too late, its just right now I say to myself. Always the TV seems to be a little less on the volume end, than where I would listen to it if I were alone.
    This is quite a bit like rush hour traffic where I came from……..never staying in one lane, back and forth………I don’t have that to contend with now and its rather nice! I would like to set the volume and relax for a change, always on edge to avoid the angry wife or what used to be the angry driver not too long ago.

    Either a set of earplugs for my wife or a system that tames that aggressive driver wife of mine!
12. brcic says:

    March 31, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    [...] photos, videos, community. … Name (required) Mail (will not be published) (required) Website …SRS Sounding OffMichael Brcic says: October 20, 2009 at 7:39 am. 3 years ago on a Sunday night, my wife and I sat in [...]